


Whole

by DrPaine



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-07
Updated: 2015-08-07
Packaged: 2018-04-13 11:16:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,300
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4519836
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DrPaine/pseuds/DrPaine
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Peridot embraces hugs</p>
            </blockquote>





	Whole

**Author's Note:**

> Semi follow-up to Nothing Special. (Can also be considered in-line with Observation/may be referenced later on)
> 
> I can't title for shit |D

_"Don't try anything."_

Peridot can _feel_ the glare even if she can't see Garnet's eyes, but she only nods-- respectfully, even-- as Garnet steps onto the pad and warps away. It's only then that Peridot sits down on the couch, closing her eyes and letting out a low sigh of relief that turns into a small, giddy laugh. Because for the first time since they found and caught her, she is _alone_. Completely alone in the house, even Steven has left, gone to spend the day with his friends, or on the beach or on a mission or... well, what does it matter? The point is, there's no one to watch her. They actually trust her!

Peridot laughs again, still trying to absorb the concept. But it's softer this time, and she stretches out on the soft cushions, staring up at the ceiling.

"I could get used to this," she sighs _._ _Yawns_ , she thinks is the better word for her tone. In the weeks she's been here, Steven has tried engaging her in conversation, tried to introduce her to new concepts.

Compassion was the first one. Crying an accidental second.

And then small things like reading, eating, like exploring a beach or just going out during the night and watching the stars, and Peridot still took a certain pride in just how delighted he'd been when she started listing off which stars were planets, and which had a place in the Gem Empire or had some interesting history.

She also still had to suppress a shiver of fear,  remembering how each of the Crystal Gems had warned her to  _not_ speak about Homeworld or similar subjects without running it by them first. 

Peridot yawns again, eyes only half open and her thoughts down to mere wisps, like the clouds she can only just see through the window.  What had she been-- right. Concepts like snacks and stargazing had been followed by sleep, one she was _quite_ fond of. Because she had nearly panicked the first time Steven had gone utterly unresponsive, she'd been ready to try shocking him (because she _had_ had the foresight to study humans some, and electrical jolts could occasionally set a dysfunctional heart back to rights, right?) before Amethyst had intervened. Explained that it was just a normal thing for humans, and Gems could do it too.

Just lie down. Close your eyes and _stop_ for a while-- it had a similar effect to retreating into one's gem, but without all the associated pain and trauma, it was a chance to rest, recover and just...

_be._

So Peridot tries to sleep and comes close, but there's always something.

Her arms hurt. Her legs hurt even more.

Is it okay for her to be doing this? What if they come back-- what if there was something they'd been expecting her to do? Well, what they're probably expecting is for her to try and break into their precious temple, or flee or _something_ to break their trust.

Something.

What would it even take?

Her arms hurt and her legs hurt and she's aware of a finger tugging at her lip. Of her teeth worrying at it now and she's afraid because she doesn't want to be caught chewing her fingers again, doesn't want them taken away--

"That's not going to happen," she says to herself, finally coming back enough to pull her finger away before any lasting damage can be done. She is _alone_.

Peridot sits up, wincing with the movement. Her form always feels heavy and sore, but now... is this really being tired? To _ache_ and feel so exhausted, like you're about to give at any moment? And the aches are worst around the joints as they always are, and _that's enough_.

She is alone. She is alone and for once being alone means being safe.

She does hesitate for a moment, but a fresh throb of pain decides for her, and she carefully unhooks her right leg, her form ending just where the knee would be. The left is just the same, both limbs set on the floor just beside her.

Her arms go on a little longer, she can cast a complete elbow there, but most of it is covered by the metal... the tool. Tool, that's the good word for it, a tool is something that she controls, that she uses and isn't a sign of failure, of worthlessness and being incomplete. She removes the arms, detached fingers setting them on the table and it feels so _good_ to lie down now, the pressure...

_a century_ of pressure, it's been so long since she needed any repair and she went a whole hundred years would the limbs themselves being taken away before this whole... fiasco.

Even if her form isn't complete, it feels better this way, at least for now.

She doesn't quite feel ready to dismiss her visor, but otherwise, she feels safe enough to close her eyes, and sleep is just as good as she'd imagined it would be.

\-------

 

_"PERIDOT!"_

She jerks awake at the sound of her name and the screen door slamming violently into the wall.

Not Gems.

Steven and no _no no no he can't see this!_

She sits up and manages to get her legs reattached (painfully though, rush jobs always are), but can't manage the arms before Steven is in front of her, his eyes wide and fear coloring his expression.

"What happened?!" he says. "Did you get hurt, did a monster come here, did--"

"I'm fine," Peridot sighs, leaning back against the couch.

"But your--"

"I _know_. They've alwa--" Peridot frowns, narrowing her eyes slightly as she remembers. "Y... y-you had my foot for how long and this really surprises you?!"

"Yeah!" he says. "I... it's... a lot to..." He pauses, and Peridot can see him trying to figure out how to proceed. Because this is a touchy subject, but she's tired and just wants to get it over with.

"My projection is... restricted," she sighs, trying to figure out how best to proceed-- because this is a touchy subject. Because she doesn't care what the Crystal Gems will think or how mad they'd be, _she_ doesn't want Steven to know what Homeworld will do to those who need to be made an example of.

"How come? I... is it your gem? Because if you're hurt, I can..." Steven looks away, and Peridot can't quite place the emotion that runs through her. It almost... _hurts_ seeing that expression on him, because it's one she's worn too many times. "I know where you can be fixed up--"

"Thank you, but even if it was my gem, it's not something that can be... fixed. My gem is whole."

It's not entirely a lie.

"Oh."

He is silent, sitting up on the couch beside her.

"Does it hurt?" he asks. "I... saw you getting your legs back on, i... it looked painful..."

Peridot looks away, and she's glad she's let her fingers stay by the arms, because chewing her lip is painful enough. Enough that she can only nod, finding herself feeling constricted, ashamed and embarrassed to admit that she is... _this_.

Perhaps Steven notices too. Because he doesn't talk any more, simply leans over and hugs her-- another concept he tried to introduce from the start, one Peridot still didn't know how she felt about. Being touched is irksome at best, _terrifying_ at worst, but a hug seems to be... neither of those things. Just a gesture of affection, and Steven seemed okay with how she never tried returning it.

But she does now-- tries to, moving her stunted arms and they don't quite make for a full embrace, but there's still something nice about it all the same.

She's tired, and she'll figure it out later.

 


End file.
